Supplies:
3 1/3 oz Calcium Carbonate (pharmacy)
1 1/2 oz Baking Soda
1 tsp. salt
7 tbs. Glycerin
3 or 4 drops Peppermint Essential Oil
2 drops Green Food Coloring
By now you are probably thinking the following:
1. What is Calcium Carbonate and where do you buy it?
2. Where can I buy Glycerin?
3. Aren't Peppermint Essential Oil and Peppermint Flavoring the same thing?
4. What is so "crack-ish" about this list??
Well...here are the answers:
1. Basically, Calcium Carbonate is an antacid (that is made out of oyster shells), sorta like tums without all of the flavor and color. I asked the pharmacist about it and she told me it was Os-Cal. So I purchased the generic version (160 pills) of it for $7.00...you are probably thinking..."that's no to bad..." And no...that was not so bad...bad comes later, keep reading.
2. Actually, glycerin was very easy to find. It is in the first aid isle or in the lotion isle. You can also buy it at Hobby Lobby and Michaels. It was $3.00 for a 6oz bottle...so far so good.
3. Apparently, peppermint essential oil and peppermint extract are not the same...go figure. It has something to do with the extraction method and extract is edible, the other is not. I found it at Hobby Lobby and it cost $5.99 for a itty bitty bottle. Are you starting to notice how expensive this toothpaste is getting?? Well, keep reading because it is going to get worse...a whole lot worse!
4. The "crack-ish" thing about this list is that I have now spent about $16.00. Crest was on sale last month for $1.50 per tube...I am starting to see my crack-ish ways...but wait, because I am going to get a lot more "crack-y"...
OK...so now I am out $16.00...that's when I have a thought..."How am I going to crush up the calcium carbonate pills into powder? How many pills does it take to equal 3 1/3 oz? Once I get them crushed how am I going to weigh them??" Sometimes I am too smart for my own good...
Well...faced with the above dilemmas...I rise to the occasion and make a few decisions. First, I call the pharmacy to see how much a pill crusher costs. I find out that it is $6.00 (anyone notice a pattern here...I am spending MORE money). Next, I weigh the pros and cons...and decide to go and buy the pill crusher. I am now about to be out $22.
Well...as I drive to the pharmacy...I have one of my best thoughts ever..."I wonder if I can buy powdered calcium carbonate?" I am such a genius! So I stroll inside and ask if they sell it in powder form. At first I am told "no" and then the pharmacist intervenes, "Yep...It comes in a powder, I can order it for you but it will not be in until tomorrow." Of course my first question is, "How much is it?" She looks in the book and tells me it will be $20 for a pound of it (this is where I begin to totally CRACK out). I think about it for about 9 seconds and then I tell her to order it (in retrospect...that was the CRACK talking...'cause I am WAY tooooo cheap to spend that kind of money. On a good day, I could get a complete outfit for three of my four children, lunch for me and still have change left over for a butterscotch milkshake for my husband from Dairy Queen for $30.00...this was NOT a good day, obviously).
When I get home I realize that I am going to need a scale to weigh my ingredients. So, I head out to Walmart to find a scale that does standard and metric and is digital. I am thinking that at the most I am going to be out $10 or $12 bucks...boy o' boy was I WRONG!!! The scale cost $26.88 before tax. Did I hesitate to buy it??? Nope...I actually bought it. I know what you are thinking...and the answer is... "Yes, I have lost my ever lovin' mind!"
Before I give you the grand total of what I spent in the pursuit of homemade toothpaste, let's revisit the calcium carbonate that I ordered from the pharmacy. I picked it up the next day and instead of it costing $20.00...it cost $30.00 with tax. Apparently, $20.00 was their cost to buy it. My cost was $20 plus a $10 "Stupid Tax," for a grand pre-tax total of $30. So now...let's do the math...
Calcium Carbonate $30.00
Peppermint Oil $6.00
Scale $27.00
Glycerin $3.00
Total: $66.00--If you can't see the CRACK in this total...then you too are on crack!! Seek help NOW!!!
By my calculations...at $1.50 per tube, I could have bought 44 tubes of toothpaste for what I have spent to make, only God knows how much, homemade toothpaste.
Stay tuned to part 4 for the pictures, results and the conclusion...
~Quita
PS...the saga continues and the price just went up by $6.00...I can't find the receipt to return the Cal. Carbonate pills that I paid $6 for...Pray for me...PLEASE...
PPS...my husband is just finding out about all of this as he is reading this...so PLEASE pray for him too!!
PPPS...Dear Lord, PLEASE let this be the BEST toothpaste in the whole wide world! Please let Proctor and Gamble find out about it and offer me millions of dollars for the rights to make it...PLEASE...Lord I realize that I am being greedy...if they will just give me 50 tubes of Crest they can have the rights to it for FREE. Lord you know my phone number, could You give it to Proctor and Gamble and ask them to call me?? They can call anytime of day and I promise to answer, even if I don't recognize the number on caller id.~amen
Well, at least the scale is only a one time cost, and I'm sure you can find other uses for such a fine scale...you can specifically look for crafts that would require a scale (dollar cost averaging).
ReplyDeleteAt least the scale is only a one time cost, and I'm sure you could find other uses for such a fine scale. You could specifically look for crafts that call for a scale (dollar cost averaging).
ReplyDeleteThis is jaw-dropping!! Yes, Yes, Yes. You are on more than just crack. I talked to Tyra (Banks) about you. On one of her shows, she had meth addicts. Methamphetamine sounds like what you have now advanced to using. I checked wikepedia about meth. Marquita, they mention "excitability about crafting" as an effect. OK, just kidding. But you bought a scale to weigh your ingredients...to make meth, tell the truth. The toothpaste ingredients are definitely crack-ish/ meth-ish. Pill crusher, yep, you can use that in your meth lab, too. $10.00 extra tax, OMG! Please tell me you found the receipt for the pills! I bet your husband called your mom as soon as he read Part 3. You probably won't be concluding with Part 4 because you are now in Rehab for six weeks. But if you have been spared and they deem you sane, send me some of that toothpaste....yeah, I'll try it. Besides, surely this will be too much toothpaste at one house. For real, I'll try it, even if it's laced with crack or meth. I'll even buy some from you...you know, like a drug deal. But, anyway....-End
ReplyDelete